Monday, November 24, 2008

Funny Love Quotes

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie
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Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
-- Albert Einstein
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
-- Albert Einstein
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Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
-- Anonymous
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
-- Anonymous
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The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
-- Anonymous
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No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
-- Anonymous
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Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks

and sneakers behind along the way.
-- Anonymous
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When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
-- Anonymous
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Men only have two faults....What they do, and what they say!
-- Anonymous
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You can't buy love on eBay.
-- Anonymous
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If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
-- Bette Midler
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A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
-- Brendan Francis
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Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
-- Cathy Carlyle
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Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
-- Cecilia Egan
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The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
-- Cher
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Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.
-- Cher
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By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.
-- Dorothy Parker
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I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands.
-- Dudley Moore
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
-- Erma Bombeck
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone

that you really saw.
-- Fran Lebowitz
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It is impossible to love and be wise.
-- Francis Bacon
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Marriage marks the end of many short follies - being one long stupidity.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
-- Fulton J. Sheen
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Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
-- George Carlin
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Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.
-- Glenn Beck
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I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
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Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
-- Henry Kissinger
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When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you.
And she never did.
-- James Fineous McBride
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Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything

else in the house.
-- Jean Kerr
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Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
-- Joan Crawford
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It's been so long since I made love,
I can't even remember who gets tied up.
-- Joan Rivers
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
-- Joan Rivers
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You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
-- Jonathan Carroll
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No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
-- Joyce Brothers
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If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
-- Katharine Hepburn
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True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.
-- La Rochefoucauld
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If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.
-- Lily Tomlin
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The only people who make love all the time are liars.
-- Louis Jordan
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The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
-- Natalie Wood
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Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
-- Oscar Wilde
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Love is a grave mental disease.
-- Plato
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Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner
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All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
-- Shelley Winters
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
-- Steve Martin
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A love without indiscretion is no lover at all.
-- Thomas Hardy
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Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.
-- Tommy Dewar
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Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
-- Walt Disney
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Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
-- Woody Allen
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
-- Woody Allen
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
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The sincerest love is the love of food.

Bernard Shaw .

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Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

Josh Billings

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.



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Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener! Unknown



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The great question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?''

-- Freud

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late."


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I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him

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Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for."

Mae West

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Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce

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Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law

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Man is better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred

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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

-Oscar Wilde

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A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.—

Zsa Zsa Gabor

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My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield

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The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

Coleridge

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One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.

Benjamin Franklin

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.The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henry Youngman

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller

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If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would

bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do.

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If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

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Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will

not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.
Hellfire Hotchkiss

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All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

Lord Byron

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"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante.

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Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
-- Albert Einstein - Funny Love Quotes

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Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Anonymous

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Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-- Jim Backus

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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's

what it means."
George Burns.

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city."
George Burns.

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I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray.

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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."

Woody Allen.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once

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Yawn - Nature's way of letting married men open their mouths

Anon

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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

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Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

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A wife is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

unknown

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I think, therefore I'm single.


I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.
Mae West [Add to favorites]
You call it madness, but I call it love.
Don Byas
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.
Woodrow Wyatt
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
Mae West [Add to favorites]
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
Winston Churchill
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
Henry Louis Mencken [Add to favorites]
Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.
Ben Hecht
Love is being stupid together.
Paul Valery
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it
a few times.
Rita Rudner
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
Pearl Bailey



Love doesn't make the world go round,
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
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A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
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Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!
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Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
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Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.

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